Wednesday, September 06, 2017

Even genies have to comply with HIPAA

If you could get rid of any physical ailment that you regularly struggle with, what would it be? Mine would be the tendency to constantly get things in my eyes. For some reason there is a near constant supply of pet hair, clothing threads, dental floss, and microscopic carbon dust hiding out in both of my eyes at all times. So I’m constantly wiping my eyes like I’m crying about something very painful that will be resolved by rubbing my eyes, which is only sometimes often true. It is also really unhelpful because I am allergic to cats and I have a cat so I am literally rubbing bits of cat into my eyes all the time. But maybe that’s what’s happening after all—perhaps cats are now growing from my eyes into life-size housecats, which will one day emerge from my eye sockets to constantly demand food and resent me too. Which is not such a bad scenario unless the new cats and my current cat started some kind of competition to see who could treat me the worst. It’s sort of a gamble so I think that would still be the ailment I would choose to treat if medicine advanced to such a level. Because I’m not a gambler and because the eye-poking got a little out of hand today and now I think I might have pink eye in one eye. But if there’s anything I like less than gambling, it’s asymmetry, so I am thinking to start poking the other eye so they will at least match.

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