I believe it is important to travel in order to gain a better perspective on what it is like to watch television in other parts of the world. Today is my last vacation day at my parents' house, which I imagine is not unlike a stay in Mexico, as it is a constant ninety-eight degrees and the tap water is not potable. On Wednesday night I headed to the city for a raucous night on the town, until 9:30 when everyone had to go home to take care of their dogs. Soon I will wedge myself back into an airplane seat the size of a can of soup and return home before my cat is able to file a Missing Persons report.
And here I am at the airport! This is what's known as an inexplicable time lapse. The airports suggest that you arrive at least four days in advance of your boarding time if you wish to leave with your flight, but I like to live on the edge and have arrived only hours before. You'd think it would be more exciting to undress with hundreds of strangers, but security is kind of a drag. I think that if they really wanted to punish terrorists, they would make them continuously fly domestically in the U.S. for the rest of their existence. Well I must prepare for takeoff, there are only six more flights to leave from my gate before my plane arrives and I want to make sure they don't apprehend me if they realize I've used the word "terrorists."