Tuesday, December 25, 2012

Merry Christmas from the suburbs!

I am writing this from my phone because I didn't have enough room to pack both my laptop and all my hair styling products, so I made the difficult decision to leave it at home. Excuse me if this post is ridden with errors. Typing on a phone can be tough as it is difficult to get the rotary dial around for each letter.

I awoke yesterday with a piece of wet sandpaper being repeatedly dragged across my face. I came to consciousness and found it was my cat licking me awake, or preparing to eat my face, I am not sure which. This would normally be unwelcome behavior but I had to get up anyway for my seven A.M. flight home. Though she only has two settings: 4:30 A.M. and Every hour after 4:30, having a cat to wake you is still better than a blaring alarm clock, and better still than sounds of the rainforest gradually increasing in volume.

I am not scared of flying, though I do acknowledge the possibility that something could happen on any flight, which is why during take-off I imagine my tearful family members being interviewed on camera after the terrible tragedy has occurred (perhaps the pilot has just eaten a large turkey lunch and forgotten the effects of tryptophan). Despite my preparation, it was an uneventful flight, though I cannot prove this because I was asleep for all of it. I am a relatively small person, and I can only imagine how traumatic flying must be for average or above average sized people. I hypothesize that airplane seats have been getting progressively smaller since their debut and in twenty years time we will all be sitting in thimbles. I strained a muscle just trying to take a shoe off. Though I fit into the seat, I remain paralyzed for the rest of the flight as there is nowhere to move my limbs to, and I eventually fall into a numb sort of sleep.

I am home now, where there appear to be two options: falling asleep in front of the television and falling asleep not in front of a television. I am excited for the adventures to come while I am home; perhaps I will bump into an old high school classmate at the mall and will run cowering into a candles store to hide from them. Maybe I will try a new variety of Wheat Thins crackers. The opportunities are endless! Sometimes you find the most to write about when the least is happening. This will not be a challenge here.

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