Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Part XLVII in the Tale of an Excruciating, Soul-crushing, Everlasting Job Search

Day 1,825: 

Does anyone make some kind of suit of armor capable of deflecting rejection? Sharper Image, maybe? If so, can I wear leggings with it? I want to be protected and comfortable. Interview #361 has just dealt another blow to my ego, and I would really prefer to waste valuable time doing more pleasurable activities, like picking up trash on the side of a highway with a stick, or just walking around with a stick in general. Even prayer did not work this time, so I am no longer a Catholic. It is tough to absorb a lot of rejection when you put so much stock in something working out, but on the whole it is far less painful than being dumped. And I should know because I've dumped a lot of people and I insist on exit surveys. 

At least I am in good company. According to extensive research that I did in forty seconds, half of Americans hate their jobs. Also, 80%, 70%, and 84% of Americans hate their jobs! You can't argue with those statistics. Today I have been giving some thought to why a boring, unchallenging job has become particularly painful. I think part of it has to do with the fact that I am no longer doing much writing in life. I spend a lot of time focusing on creating art, but oil painting can be tricky to do at the office and everyone gets mad at you for the turpentine fumes. On the other hand, I could easily spend much of the day writing on this blog. No one here even knows what a blog is! While I have been tirelessly trying to convince others to pay me to write (no one is interested), no one is preventing me from writing for myself. In fact, while everyone is busy rejecting my application, I am going to go ahead and hire myself. With no interview! I take that back, as I delight in interviewing myself. But no cover letter! And no annoying web forms about my employment history to fill out! Hm, I am going to need an I-9 form. There! I have single-handedly broken the luckless streak that I have been on. I start today! No ... I am kind of tired today, better start next week. 

I know what you're all thinking. I've said this before. I've promised to keep up with the blog many times before. I have usually failed in this endeavor. What's to say this won't be the only post I write all year? Nothing! Like New Year's Resolutions, I may fail the blog and I may gain that ten pounds back. To quote one of the great philosophers of our time, Bart Simpson, "I cannot promise I'll try, but I'll try to try." For my own sanity at least.


ting said...

I really, really hope you get a job soon... and one that you LIKE.

Ashley said...

Thank you!! I keep reading that it is getting easier out there, which I think they are writing only to entertain us.