Sunday, November 25, 2012

I am writing a book, maybe.

Thanksgiving is the time to ggibnnhbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbgh

Sorry about that. I was having trouble finishing the sentence, so I was spending most of the time just eating chips, which is when I got a chip stuck in the keyboard. Essentially all I did when trying to get the chip out is manage to get more chip stuck in my keyboard, but it helped me to finish the sentence through some writer's block, so I think it will stay.

Anyway, Thanksgiving is the time of year that people relentlessly remind you to give thanks for the fact that you can still pay your bills without even once resorting to prostitution, that you are not currently at your high school reunion, and that you are not posting baby pictures on Facebook. It is also the time to get your relatives drunk (this is most effective if you are also drunk) until they make outlandish promises to you involving large sums of money. Coherent or not, a verbal contract is binding! Eight or nine duck-shaped decanters of wine into the evening, my aunt made a deal that if I wrote a book by January 2014, she would pay $100,000 towards publishing it. Luckily for me she knows nothing about self-publishing or how much it costs. After looking into it, it looks like I could do it for about $2,000 or less, but a deal is a deal so I plan to put a down payment on a condo with the rest. 

I used to have grand plans to publish that have taken a backseat since I started painting. I do have some doubts that I can even accomplish this task within the given timeframe, let alone produce something I'd even want other people to see. But any large decision fueled by wine is typically the right one, and I can't think of a better motivator than 100,000 imaginary dollars (except maybe real dollars, but the amount of wine needed to persuade her into giving me an "advance" will likely send us both to the hospital).

Last night I was feeling like I might not be up to the challenge when that twit from the television show The Hills came on during E! News to talk about her new book (it doesn't matter which twit, they are all twits). There should be nothing in this world that I fear I cannot do that a half-wit from a reality TV show about children who are wealthy off of money they did not make can do. If I allow that fear to win, then I have failed at life. As of yet I have zero idea what to write about, but at least I will have something to do at work now  and a new anxiety to keep me up at night. 

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