I must have a captive audience already, having begun with something so profound and newsworthy. However, I was just standing in a Banana Republic dressing room (just standing, I had forgotten how I ended up there), eavesdropping on customers in adjacent rooms and thinking about how much I hate clothes shopping. Namely because the moment I'm circling clothing racks and excusing myself to budge past someone because I must see that red shirt , I immediately feel like a consumer sheep. All of us going round and round in the same stores to fulfill our grandest desires that surely exist in a Gap. Also, because I am sure I just keep buying the same striped t-shirt over and over, and because some women's clothing is so tricky now that I can't always figure out how to get into or out of them. Eventually I am able to leave, exasperated, sometimes still stuck inside a confusing shirt, with clothing that doesn't fit me but looked really great on the mannequin and I was planning to gain weight anyway. But it doesn't matter because it was on sale (which means I've actually made money!).
If you haven't spent time eavesdropping on girls in dressing rooms, it is really a treat. (I see why this poses a problem for some of you. Also, I'm suggesting eavesdropping. Not peeping. That's gross and illegal. Eavesdropping is only illegal if you've tapped their phone and someone's found out about it.)
Girl in dressing room: You HAVE to get that skirt. It like, accentuates your cheek bones.
Friend of girl in other dressing room: Ugh, I hate my skin.
Girl: But your arms are so long! I wish I had your arms.
Friend: We haven't gone out in like forever. How long has it been since we've gone out?
Girl: Like forever. How does this dress look on me? (exits dressing room)
Friend: Slutty, but like good slutty. You could totally pull it off at work if you wear another dress under it.
(I have some new striped shirts!)