Monday, May 18, 2009

A Rejection Letter to Myself From ... Also Myself

Although deep down I realize I am applying for a Master's of Fine Arts partly for the sheer pleasure of seeing the look of restrained horror and disbelief on an adult's face when I tell them I'm applying for another degree in Creative Writing, I remain fixed in my conviction. It is true that I have been charged with changing my dreams as often as most people brush their teeth (I don’t own a toothbrush), but I have held onto this particular goal for days if not weeks. I've been spending a lot of time writing, and thinking about writing, but mostly just writing about writing. I'm also aware that it's an incredibly difficult program to get into (right up there with med school! Although you don't actually have to save anyone’s life or be able to name any parts of the body or be able to name anything of any consequence at all). So in order to save deciding committees the trouble of rejecting me personally and to give them ample time to reject the other 96% of applicants, I have decided to write my own rejection letters from them. Ahem.

Dear Applicant,

While we appreciate all the time it must have taken you to complete the application process (which you keep incorrectly telling everyone is harder than actually going to graduate school) and the 4 A.M. epiphany that undoubtedly sparked your interest, it is with feigned regret we must decline your application. Simply put, we fear you’ll just end up spending graduate school the way you ended up spending your undergraduate school, by trying to find out how much your new friends can drink and scouring the campus for boys you have not met. Although we find you to be a creative individual (the very fact that you created your own rejection letter from us is unusual and quite frankly a little disconcerting), we feel you are probably better suited for a life of infrequent blogging for no pay. If you ever find yourself in the area, we encourage you to visit our gift shop for a selection of university mugs, sweatshirts, and keychains with the capacity to open a beer bottle.

Good luck in all your endeavors (and by endeavors we mean blog),
Faceless Admissions Committee

P.s. Please stop trying to contact us at our homes late at night. We are not reversing our decision.

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