Wednesday, February 04, 2009

Everything is starting to taste like chlorine

I recently started swimming again, partly because I've been reading too many health/physiology non-fiction books and I haven't seen Law & Order or tequila mentioned even once (I'm just as surprised as you are). Finding a new pool to swim in is great, because it exposes you to a whole new set of overweight elderly people in Speedos. (Face it, you were getting bored of your old one). It's also interesting to note what the lifeguards enjoy doing when they aren't busy mocking you in your bathing suit to their coworkers. One of the female guards prefers to knit while making sure she is around to confirm when a swimmer suffers a heart attack and dies. She seems to be a good knitter, which is comforting because if I were to get something in my eye, lose the struggle and find myself drowning, someone would be on hand to quickly knit me a raft or large sweater and pull me to safety. The lifeguard at my old pool used to play Frank Sinatra CDs loudly and continuously. Which is kind of cool, unless you hate Sinatra and are a poor swimmer. Then you might resent drowning to the sounds of Old Blue Eyes.

Sidenote: Adjust your calendars. U.S. observance of Valentine's Day has been canceled due to insufficient interest. The most popular holiday in February is now Groundhog Day, which will be celebrated more than once, on a "best two out of three" basis.

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