Tuesday, March 25, 2008

This is being broadcast live-ish via a tropical rainforest wireless internet network!!

Air travel takes on a whole new meaning when you are traveling half-way around the world. I just returned from a three-legged flight home from Singapore that took twenty-four hours. Or maybe it was more than that. I don't know. Singapore is a half day's difference from Boston, and I'm not very good at math. I don't know what time of day it is or what the date is or if I should be asleep or awake. I don't know if I'm hungry or what meals I've eaten today. I suspect I might be hungry because I just devoured a bag of potato chips in thirty seconds but that could also be hormones or gluttony. Still I'm afraid I'll wake up at three in the morning in my kitchen, finding that I've gotten out of bed to make myself a turkey sandwich in my sleep. I can only hear out of one ear at the moment and I've been bleeding out of my nose. I have this wobbly feeling in my legs from some kind of lack of balance that makes me feel like I've just stepped off a very bumpy boat ride, and I'm embarrassed to admit that I have to hold onto walls for support when I'm doing things like walking, showering, or balancing my checkbook. When I try to toss something into the trash can I'm off by about four feet. Though this may be exaggerating my feat, I feel like I know a little bit about what it must have been like for immigrants or early explorers who had to go 'round the world in a cramped boat and survive on things like rats for sustenance and then all come down with dysentery. I also had to watch that stupid Alvin and The Chimpmunks movie starring Jason Lee. If Columbus was around today he probably would have been smart and brought a laptop and some DVDs.

I remember learning about tropical rain forests in grade school, about the layers of plant life and variety of animals, but I don't remember my teacher mentioning anything about how your hair would instantly morph into absurdly large frizzy coils, rendering it close to impossible to get a date. That's all I will say about my trip for now, because it's time to clock out. Check back later for more of my irreverent opinions about the tropics (I think I meant to say irrelevant). Those who like free-ranging monkeys, food that may be on an endangered species list, and children waking you at 7 am with binoculars may be more entertained than those who like facts or political agenda. And yeah, I did back-date this post, because it loses all relevance once you realize I've been home for two days.

oink oink



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