Alternate title: "Denial and Its Many Forms: Turning Lemons into Lemonade"
Your list was very clever, one might even go so far as to say it was too clever. In fact, that is what I am saying. It was too clever and funny for our little magazine/web site/whatever we are and that is why we unfortunately must decline to publish it. Because we want you to go out there with all your talent and take over the literary world and get all of the credit for it! We also find you very attractive, and we wouldn't mind taking you out to dinner. But, striking beauty aside, we know you will make it without us. Look us up if you're ever in Valencia!
McSweeney's Internet Tendency
See, I'm not upset. I just thought the rejection was subjective and chock-full of underlying messages.