Thursday, February 21, 2008

Titles of books that will not be written until I get an advance*

  • Beached: Stranded on a Deserted Island For A Year (My Dramatic Rescue and How I Returned Home to Find No Unread E-mails and Only One Missed Phone Call, Which Was From My Parents)
  • Ashley Takes a Good, Hard Look at Her Life, Decides It's Two Sizes Too Small, Asks If It Can Be Returned Without A Receipt of Purchase for Cash, or if We are Talking Store Credit Here
  • Hairstyles For Every Occasion and Climate: From Hostile Military Takeover to Dinner Party!
  • It's Not Funny: Traumatic and Embarrassing Moments in My Life: Years 1-12
  • It's Not Funny: Traumatic and Embarrassing Moments in My Life: Years 13-16
  • Where's Mommy?: Why I Am One of the More Likely Candidates for Postpartum Depression
  • Bus Fare: One Man's Journey From Cleveland, Ohio to Lincoln, Nebraska, By Public Transportation Alone
  • Ashley F.: Voice of a Generation (Who quite frankly never asked for one, and hate it when people try to put words in their mouth)
  • A Tale of Two Cities: II. More colorful than the first and with a more satisfying ending, also with brief guest appearance by Mötley Crüe.
  • Ashley F. Takes a Good, Hard Look at Her Life, Decides There's Been a Mix-up in Human Resources, and Asks if They Would Mind Checking the Computers One More Time

*Advance
is, of course, open to interpretation, and could imply "delicious turkey club sandwich" just as much as it could "$45,000 annually." Some of these titles may require quite a bit of research, research that I am willing to immerse myself in to produce quality contemporary literature.**
**Yes, I laughed when I read "literature" too.


1 comment:

jiminycricket said...

If it helps you get a publisher interested, you can tell them I would totally buy a copy of Bus Fare. Maybe even another one to give to someone as a gift.