Sunday, February 10, 2008

Relationships, or "Find Me Somebody to Blame"

Occasionally I think about how it might be nice to have a boyfriend primarily to have someone to share blame with. I've seen couples do this a lot, and I'm sometimes jealous that I have no one to blame for my own mistakes or shortcomings. I've witnessed my mom blame my dad for many things over the years that he was in no way responsible for, or even involved in, and I think it's just tradition. Man is a primarily monogamous animal and that may be because man discovered his/her need to shift the blame to someone other than themselves. Examples: "I'm so sorry I was late to your son's bris. My boyfriend Steve takes soooo long to get ready!" or "I'm sorry I can't make it to your nephew's elementary school graduation. I would love to be there but I'm obligated to go to this stupid hockey game with my boyfriend. God he is so clingy! I would dump him but, you know, he has a car."

I also think they would be fun to yell at. There are certain insults and arguments that are really only appropriate to say to someone you are dating. Why should people in relationships have all the fun? I've practiced this with a Starbucks barista but it generally leads to confusion and I don't really feel satisfied in the end.

Starbucks guy: Good morning, what can I get you?
Me: I shouldn't have to tell you.SG: I'm sorry?
Me:
You never listen to anything I say.
SG:
[becoming increasingly uncomfortable] Coffee? Latte? What will you be having?

Me: Did you ever even care about me at all [glancing at nametag], Tom?
SG: Room for cream?
Me: I think we should go on a break, Tom. I'll be at Dunkin Donuts. Call me when you grow up.

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