Thursday, February 28, 2008

If my job was a husband, I would have left him by now.

Presumably for someone younger and more attractive, and with more money.

But in the meantime, this is an accurate representation of how I spend my weekdays, for those who are still puzzled and wonder where it is I disappear to from 9-5:

9:30-10:30. Adjustment period. Reconvene with friends online and find out what I might have missed whilst I was asleep. Defrost. Savor Dunkin Donuts coffee. Check Craigslist for better jobs.
10:30-10:45. Contemplate things of grave significance, i.e.: why we were put on this earth, children: a good concept or just a necessary evil?, having wars vs. not having wars, if I really still fit into these pants or if I'm kidding myself.
11:45-12:00. Check Inbox for messages of crucial importance, i.e.: e-mails about surprise pay increases, contests I may have won, terrorist threats, etc. Flag them as "To-do."
12-1:00. LUNCH. Weigh options carefully. Wave hello to not-so-jolly homeless persons as I pass them on sidewalks.
1-1:30. Think about how hard I am going to work tomorrow. Also, why wars are bad and how instead of going to them, we should hold things like pie-eating competitions and potato sack races to settle our differences. Put cup to wall and listen to the goings-on of cool architects next door. Is that Pink Floyd?
1:30-2:30. I just remembered why I am here and why there's no television in the room. Diligently work. Eventually transition to alternating between work and online shopping.
2:30-4. Fantasize about televised interviews of myself with various talk show hosts, magazines, etc. (if you are thinking that this is a remarkable amount of time to devote to such an activity, consider that at any given time that I am thinking quietly to myself, this is what I am actually imagining).
4-5:00. The same bit about work/online shop, but with more gusto this time. Tie up loose ends, i.e. publish blog posts that have been marinating in my drafts folder for too long.

Try getting a monkey to do all that.

No comments: