Being an open-minded person, I like to try new things. Especially when the new thing in question contains two parts bourbon and comes in a pretty glass with a bourbon-soaked cherry. You know how bartenders tend to favor putting an inappropriate amount of ice in your mixed drinks, and I've never been a fan of having a lot of ice swimming around in my vodka, so it was recommended to me to try a Manhattan for the first time. A Manhattan is typically not served with ice at all and has the added bonus of making you look like a successful sort of person who earns a decent paycheck and uses big words. Although I am usually adverse to this type of glass because of the amount of care one has to take to prevent sloshing the glass around and spilling your tasty beverage all over yourself, I decided to take on the challenge because I am very adventurous and because, hey, it was Tuesday! What better day to get hammered than the second day of the work-week when you still have three more days of work.The combination of vermouth and bourbon immediately took me back to my high school days. Unfortunately, the words "We're just going out for a couple drinks, nothing too crazy" means entirely the opposite of what it sounds like, and is scientifically proven to be damn near impossible to accomplish. In other words, the phrase "a couple drinks" takes on new meaning when the first drink is a Manhattan and the second drink is actually twelve drinks finished in rapid succession. Which would account for the large bag of Chex Mix I have been cramming into my mouth all day and the pleas for an early death.
Some nice guy in my office building paid me an undeserved compliment when he told me that I "looked half-awake." I think I actually fell asleep in the elevator. That being said, it's a good thing the majority of people I see during the workday are recovering crack addicts because next to them, I look like a runner-up pageant winner. That is except for the ones who have that trendy "heroin chic" look about them. I never could compete with them.