So this morning I stepped onto my bathroom scale to prove them wrong. I devised my own system of deductions to get as accurate a measurement as possible of my actual body weight.
Just stepped out of shower, weight of moisture in hair: Deduct 3 lbs. (we have hard water)
Conditioner left in hair as result of hasty shower: -2 lbs.
Weight of towel: -3 lbs.
Contact lenses: -.5 lbs.
Weight of breakfast just eaten: -2 lbs.
Moisturizing lotion: -2 lbs.
Organs, which should not be counted because they are necessary to sustain human life and do not contain fat: -22 lbs.
Extra muscle gained this weekend from a lot of skiing, which has not formed yet but is still in early growth stages: -11 lbs.
General "water weight": -9 lbs.
The chocolate I ate last night because someone yelled at me on the subway, which should not be counted toward actual weight because strangers should not be yelling at me for no reason in particular: -5 lbs.
General scale inaccuracies: -7 lbs
Effect of slightly uneven apartment floor on bathroom scale: -6 lbs.
Bad lighting: -5 lbs.
Over-inflated ego: -9 lbs.
Unexplained gravitational pull inside bathroom this morning: -10 lbs.
According to these scientifically accurate measurements, I should weigh somewhere in the neighborhood of 12 to 14 pounds. It's a bit like lying on your tax returns, except everyone wins until the next time you have to visit the doctor.