Thursday, January 17, 2008

Keep Your Cool During an Interview!

Interviews can be stressful. Whether you're looking for a way to pay your rent before you are evicted or are just hankering for a better job, there are essential tips that only a worldly, experienced professional type can provide that are guaranteed to help you ace that interview. Monster and other career web sites have loads of free tips for your interview. But they aren't very useful, are they? Why don't you take the advice of a seasoned, employed person who has sat through nearly half a dozen interviews instead?

1. Remember, they're more afraid of you than you are of them.
You're youthful, energetic, and vibrant. You can probably spend several hours at a nightclub without having an aneurysm.

2. You have probably heard the classic tip for public speaking, which is to picture your audience naked. In a situation like this, where you are in an enclosed environment with one other individual, you run the risk of becoming intensely uncomfortable. Instead, try picturing them picturing you naked. What a creep! They are probably twice your age! Imagine the resulting sexual harassment lawsuit and the humiliation they encounter in the face of their family and friends. You are relaxing already.

3. Make a mental list of some topics of conversation in case you are forced to make prolonged small talk. Once you have exhausted the weather and sports teams you know absolutely nothing about, it may be up to you to create playful banter. This could create unwanted awkwardness if you are under the mistaken impression that you will be capable of creating interesting conversation in situations like these. This is very unlikely. When you are searching for something witty or interesting to say under pressure, these are the thoughts that will actually occur to you:
  • Did I leave my curling iron on?
  • I should do laundry tonight. I always say that! But I never do it. I should really do my laundry, because I have no clean underwear left and have had to switch to wearing the bottoms from two-piece swimming suits. Which is the same idea but can be difficult to conceal when they come with dangley strings with beads attached from the sides. I wonder what the man that is interviewing me would think if he knew that I am actually half-prepared to go to a beach right this moment. I probably should not ask him what he thinks. Do I have any laundry detergent?
  • This suit is itchy.
  • Do I have exact change for the bus home? Is it okay to ask my interviewer for change? I think I see a few quarters next to his stapler ...
  • How much does a stamp cost these days? When will it stop!?
  • Could Banana Republic have made an itchier suit? Probably not. If they do they should probably mention it is "extra woolly."
  • I wonder if tomorrow's going to be sunny. Today is cloudy. Did we already cover weather?
If you are very unlucky you will actually say some of these things. Come prepared.

I may add more tips as they come back to me. But I want to post this because I am trying out this new blog-a-day thing and I probably should not screw it up now since I undoubtedly will not be posting on weekends. The reason for that is of course because my weekends are often the time I spend volunteering at animal shelters and participating in church choir.


baker said...

FYI you'd be fully prepared to visit a topless beach.

Ashley said...

Well naturally, as that was my next stop. Didn't get the job but I did get a decent tan, sans tan-lines.