Friday, August 03, 2007

She's Just Not That Into Your Age Demographic

For about as long as I've been in Boston, my family (and their friends) have been obsessed with setting me up with someone. My aunt has gone so far as to bring people she has met at bars over for dinner. It is really unnecessary. As I have explained to her, it isn't that I have difficulty meeting or attracting people of the opposite sex (for instance, not one but two delusional homeless men have told me I was pretty in the past week. Actually on second thought that might have been the same guy on two separate occasions. In fact now that I think about it, he wasn't even looking at me when he said that), it's just that the vast majority are losers. Besides, who has time for a relationship? With my taxing 9-5 entry-level job, my roommate's dog that I occasionally take care of when she isn't home, trying to keep my hair straight in this humidity, and my burgeoning writing career (which is going to take off any day now), who has the time? It would be selfish of me just to think about bringing someone into all that.

Actually, for the first month that I lived in Boston, my aunt maintained a stance of "no boys, no dating," afraid that the realization that there were actual guys in the same city as me might distract me and interrupt my career path. However, after a few weeks I think she got tired of me being around all the time drinking their wine and eating their food, and that maybe I should meet someone who occasionally bought me food of my own. And thus began the latest installment of her 4-part plan (1. Find job 2. Find apartment 3. Lose college weight 4. Find wealthy doctor-type boyfriend who wears seersucker pants and uses "summer" as a verb).

Recently, one of their close friends used the following talking points to impress upon me a guy they knew who obviously would be perfect for me. Keep in mind that I'm 23:
  • He's 37
  • He's an accountant
  • Accountants are fun!
  • Ready to settle down and get married. Tired of dating just anyone!
  • Is looking for someone of a child-bearing age
  • Looking to start a family sometime in immediate future. Bonus if currently at most fertile stage of month
  • Interested in dating exclusively Catholic women
It's too bad I recently decided to reclaim my Jewish roots!

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