So I put myself on a budget. I haven't so far devised an actual budget plan or done any "calculations" per se, but let's just say this budget won't include things like "coming up with at least 3 good rationalizations before buying a pair of $150 jeans," or ways to cut back on spending like limiting my charitable donations. I have all sorts of dreams of taking vacations to exotic locales, like Canada or maybe Western Michigan, and it has occurred to me that there are very few people I can fool into believing that the minus sign before the amount in my bank account doesn't signify negative funds at all. Also, it really bothered me when I was joking about marriage with my family the other day and my dad said something like "well let's hope you find a guy with a lot of money!" and everyone had a very good laugh for a while and found it extremely funny, well everyone but me, who stormed off in a huff into my room, where I sulked as I flipped through a Bloomingdale's catalog. So to prove to everyone that I don't require much in the ways of material possessions, but mostly to save up for things like exorbitant vacations, I am going to start saving my money.
Probably the only good thing I've managed to do with my money is to put part of my week's paycheck directly into a 401(k), or a 503(b) or a 123(4) or whatever this one's called. The company where my money is stored frequently sends me updates in the mail. I don't think they're bills, because I don't think they can technically bill me for anything. I think they are just some kind of update pertaining to my money's whereabouts. Because I never open these letters, this is what I'd like to assume they say:
A message from your money, what's its been up to:
(Written on a post card featuring a trio of dolphins wearing sombreros. Underneath a dolphin with a drawn-on moustache it reads, "The Captain was here!" Included in the envelope is a series of photographs of Your Money at a Wet t-shirt contest.)
Hi there! Firstly, we'd like to thank you for the much-needed vacation, and for not spending us on liquor or blue jeans or whatever it is you spend all your money on. We've been at a cute little 503(b) on the West coast of Florida (I know what you're thinking - lots of old people. But we're simple folk - we just need a little spot by the beach and a little sun). Weather here has been great!! Yesterday was the only day that has rained so far, so some of us went to see a move at the dollar theater (when was the last time you spent a DOLLAR on a movie!) and the rest of the gang sat at Starbucks and ordered lattes all afternoon. Last week we went on a charter boat cruise operated by a husband and wife and their rather cute dog. We saw a manatee!! Well, I'm just about running out of room on this postcard...bye! (the ending of that sentence are all scrunched up and written sideways on the edge of the postcard).