Sunday, December 24, 2006

Where is Santa Claus?

Rehab. It's the most logical assumption. Using the NORAD database, you can track Saint Nick's pre-Christmas whereabouts. For instance, according to NORAD, he was most recently sighted in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil. But I think he's taking a much-needed sabbatical to find himself. Not only is rehab extremely fashionable right now, it's almost mandatory for celebrities. "Sarah watched HOW many episodes of Matlock? There's a rehab center in San Jose for that." It was only a matter of time. After decades of excessive cookie consumption and a well-known penchant for rum, jolly old St. Nick has undoubtedly found himself with Type II diabetes and an alcohol dependence problem. So I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't find that Easy-Bake Oven you've been waiting patiently for underneath the tree tomorrow. Unless Santa has an understudy, you'll have to go out and buy it yourself. Because Santa is currently undergoing detoxification in Rio de Janeiro, Brazil.

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