Wednesday, December 13, 2006

Shopping for People

Find your soulmate at, now for 20% off!

My brother had an idea that I think would work well with American consumerism and the online dating trend. Being the holiday shopping season, as well as the time of year when some are more likely to suffer from depression and loneliness*, I think it's time to introduce our own Catalog Dating Service. It would be similar to a website, in that you can select people you are interested in based on certain superficial and possibly some non-superficial characteristics. The main difference would be that only our service features an "Add to Cart" option. Simply browse through the options which we have conveniently categorized for you, select the quantity desired, enter a major credit card number and they are dropped on your doorstep in a matter of 5-7 business days.

Think of all the time you wasted "getting to know someone" and money you've spent getting them drunk at a nightclub, when all it really takes is the click of a mouse! This is a no-fail opportunity to beat those holiday blues.

What separates us from existing scams like "Mail-Order Brides?" Our service features the same state-of-the-art personality matching technology as other scientifically-proven dating services like, Blind Date, and ... Craigslist. You can rest assured that our computers have sorted through thousands of personality profiles to match you to a human that's right for you. Like these other services, ours also comes with a Satisfaction Guarantee. If your recent purchase arrives damaged or broken, we'll send you a human of equal or lesser value absolutely free!! So place your order now, while supplies last!!

*I'm pretty sure this theory has been entirely debunked but we're going to use it further our product.

No comments: