Thursday, December 28, 2006

Hope everyone had a good Christmas, now it's time to tally up your presents.

Christmas gifts given to me from my parents and the possible message/inspiration behind them:
  • 12-pack of AA batteries: "Ashley is always talking about how she needs more batteries. That's all she ever talks about: batteries, batteries, batteries. She's always saying she has a lot of electronic devices, if only she could afford the batteries they require for use. What kind of batteries? Her digital camera from 1990 takes 15 AA batteries. I will buy her 12."
  • Dental floss/toothbrush: "We no longer pay your medical bills. Plan accordingly. Also, if we keep buying her floss for Christmas every year, maybe she will actually take up flossing one day."
  • Band-aids: Reiteration of the fact that I now pay my own medical costs. Basically, any injury I sustain that necessitates anything larger than a Band-aid is going to be a problem. Also, I hurt myself a lot. They should have given me two boxes.
  • Ear muffs: "You can never have too many earmuffs." I know for a fact this is what they were thinking because these are the words that came out of my mom's mouth as I opened up my earbuds, which was before I had opened the earmuffs. She misidentified the current gift and prematurely unveiled the mystery of the still-wrapped gift shaped like a pair of earmuffs.
  • Candy canes in the stocking, sans the usual 2.5 lbs of chocolate (a first): "Ashley's looking kind of pudgy these days. An onion and some carrots in the stocking are too obvious. Sugar-free candy canes seem like a more subtle suggestion."
  • 3 kinds of lip balm: "I don't think there's anyone who likes lip balm as much as Ashley. I've known her to spend her entire bi-weekly paycheck on lip balm alone. Plus, I'm already at the check-out counter and there is a limited supply of impulse buys available."
Of course my parents will be upset because they actually did get me some really nice gifts for Christmas in addition to these old standards. Unfortunately, they are not very funny so they won't be mentioned here.

Sidenote: can you claim gifts you buy for others on your tax returns?

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