Wednesday, November 15, 2006
More ideas for television shows unlikely to air
As the holiday season is fast approaching (Hallmark may attest it actually began three months ago), I have come up with my own idea for a Christmas special, starring me and pretty much only me. It will take place primarily in my cubicle, and will adhere to the same standard of formatting as do other Christmas television specials. Similar to classics like Die Hard and Look Who's Talking Now, I will find myself stuck at work on Christmas Eve. Except in my case I am not a pilot and I do paperwork for medical research studies. The movie will begin with me dredging from my bed at 5:30 am (1.5 hours earlier than I usually get up, for effect). Carolers will show up at my door (it is way too early for carolers - this is a plot hole I duly recognize and disregard), and I will slam the door in their faces, reminding them I have to work. I will show up to work and the office will be completely empty save for the one Jewish guy who works here (it is Boston after all). I will receive a phone call from my boss begging me to go home for the day, but I assure him there is way too much to do and could not possibly go home on Christmas eve. Every e-mail I send out will be immediately replied to by someone's Microsoft Outlook "Out of Office Assistant." They will be very jolly. I will file and make copies as usual, but will spend most of my time playing computer Solitaire. Phone calls from family members begging me to leave the office and catch a flight home will be met with angry ranting stemming from my over-inflated sense of self-importance. At 10PM I will wipe a lone tear from my eye, punch out, and leave the office, having missed my flight to Chicago. There will be no snow and therefore no flight delays.