With the end of college, I've seen the demise of my perpetual cold brought on by unhealthy eating, irregular sleeping patterns, and an all-too-regular consumption of alcohol. What it has been replaced with is a slightly less fun version of the same thing, something I'll call "Acute Grind-Acquired Illness" (AGAI). Symptoms include, but are in no way limited to: insomnia - a direct result of staring at a computer monitor eight hours a day (children playing with Lite-Brite for long periods at a time have been known to experience the same phenomenon), carpal tunnel, Eosophobia (fear of daylight), and the painful knowledge that you should have elected to stay in college as long as fiscally possible.
While I have recovered from my college-related illnesses, I've come to experience a wealth of new ones, which got me thinking. I propose an idea for a new show called Diagnosis Ashley. I got the idea from the show Diagnosis Murder - which is now replayed on PAXtv. Each week I would appear with new sympotms, and a team of scientists would have to determine what I was sick with this week. It would generally be uninteresting and uneventful, with a few very special episodes where I had something that looked like a flesh-eating virus or broke out in full-body hives. All episodes would be based on real-life events. It would feature an attractive cast of young male doctors and probably run either on ABC or the WB. Kelly Carroll, my old college roommate, may also have frequent guest appearances, but each time doctors would conclude that she was not sick with anything and was merely a hypochondriac.