Wednesday, October 25, 2006

Contrary to popular opinion, I have no history of substance abuse.

Unless you count antihistamines.

After reviewing the following factors, I have concluded that my co-workers may be under the impression that I have recently picked up an addiction to cocaine:

1. Constant sniffling when I leave the bathroom. This, I assure you, is a direct result of the colds that find my immune system to be a cozy, accomodating home in which to raise their family and subsequent generations.
2. Weight loss. No simple effort, the quest to return to a pre-I went-to-college-in-Wisconsin weight is one many recent graduates find themselves undertaking.
3. Compulsive, repetitive behavior like consuming a 32-pack of sugarless gum in one day. See above "weight loss".
4. Always appears exhausted. Genetics. Also insomnia.
5. Relentlessly upbeat, perky attitude. That would be from the cocaine addiction.

No comments: