I left work early today so I could get my hair done, naturally, because some things can't wait until 5:00. And one of those things would be my hair. And who would I see but Tommy Lee - former member of Motley Crue, and sources tell me a little-known tastefully-done porn film - standing outside the door of James Joseph Studio on Newbury Street. Literally standing there, with his *ahem* cronies (can I use that word?), for at least an hour. They stood directly in front of the salon, just sort of standing there, like normal people (normal people with bodyguards. Sidenote: is it somewhere in the bodyguard code that they must wear all black? Is that just something psychological or is their actually conclusive evidence that bodyguards in all black are more effective?) Why would they be standing there, you ask? Do celebrities have to wait for things? I think they were contemplating a major purchase at the watch store above JJS, perhaps the watch store itself. Why else would they have kept going back up to the watch store, coming back outside, going back to the watch store, and repeating the process, as a bottle of shampoo would suggest.
Okay, but on with the story. This may surprise you, but the only other celebrity I have ever met/seen before was the members of one of my favorite bands, Guster. I was star-struck and completely speechless, although I was later informed that everyone and their brother, and their brother's dog, got to meet Guster at that concert. So of course the second celebrity I see in my life gets to witness my head covered in about 13 pounds of tinfoil - about 16 feet in length assembled variously about my head, for those of you who think spatially. The best part is that I was positioned directly in front of the door, so he had a good view of me for the entire hi-lighting process. You might say, "Sure, he saw you. But he's a big celebrity with little to no interest in tinfoil, why would he take notice?" That is a reasonable assumption. To you I would say that he did care, and he cared enough to laugh at the spectacle I was making of myself and was powerless to escape. My considerate hairdresser drew attention to the situation by forming a smile as big as the hype surrounding the Pam&Tommy Lee videotape and waving to him. He laughed (at me) and waved back (to my hairdresser). Since I like to be prepared, I had to think about what could possibly go down in the hours that followed, hours that I would still be ankle-deep in aluminum foil (you can literally see the tinfoil growing as i exaggerate this story more and more). Tommy Lee could a) enter the store, pick me out amongst the prettier, blonder customers and ask me to star in his new music video. Of course it was happening rightthisminute, and I would have to forgo the remaining 4 hours of my hair highlighting to be in it. b) enter the store with camera in tow with a live feed to Mtv, where I would get my 15 allotted minutes of fame, albeit 15 tinfoil-covered minutes of fame, Or c) Tommy Lee and his Band-Aids are ambushed by paparazzi and seek solace in the salon. The curtains are drawn to block out pestery cameras. We chat about the Red Sox, his short-lived television special on NBC, and our mutual hatred for fluorescent lighting, over salon-complimentary bottled waters. Tommy Lee is featured in a small space in a weekly tabloid, and I am captured in all my shining glory.
Neither possibility strikes me as particularly appealing, but what am I to do? Take off the tinfoil prematurely so I can escape a potentially more embarrassing situation? Like many times before, I chose what was best for my hair.**
**Not too surprisingly, this post began in August, where it existed in a kind of quiet solitude for several months because I was too lazy to elaborate on this simple happening in more than 6 words. I figured I could get away with publishing it now, though, because I am going back there on Tuesday to get my hair done again. I wonder who I will see this time ... maybe John Goodman? What's he up to these days?