Tuesday, November 22, 2005

Deadlines

When I have a big project due and very little time to complete it, there a few rituals I like to partake in. Because to really dedicate yourself to something that could make or break your entire career, you have to first take measures to separate yourself from it entirely. The first thing I generally do after I have fully relaxed my mind by watching at least two hours of mindless television is to start cleaning. Clean like only those addicted to crack can clean. Clean like God is coming tomorrow for Judgment Day, and he doesn't want to see any dust on the tips of his white gloves. That is why my kitchen is now cleaner than it's been in months.
The next thing I do is to re-evaluate my past, and try and recall if there are any relationships in my past that ended prematurely, or people I've wronged (if you are having trouble thinking of someone, watching Maury Povich in action or perhaps the new "Tyra show" can jump-start the process). After I have at least five people who I'd like to reunite with, I begin to write a letter from the very depths of my heart explaining why it is so important we establish a friendship again.
After these have been mailed (or e-mailed if I'm in a hurry), I spend some time reuiniting with my wardrobe. A closet can be one of the most neglected places in a home. Sure, you might use your spatula or nail clipper only once a week, but what about that t-shirt from your junior-high graduation that's been sitting in the back of your closet for years? What about the jeans you assumed you were too fat for when you gained the infamous "freshman fifteen"? Maybe they fit you again! Go ahead, try em out - they deserve it.
Now that your self-esteem has sufficiently been lowered to a decent level, you know it's time to began that paper. So go ahead, make yourself a big pot of coffee and brace yourself for that nervous breakdown that you know is coming when you realize you are fifteen minutes short of deadline.

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